Flow Healing Arts

Heal the Past and Love (For Women)

Flow Healing Arts has been delivering radical physical and emotional healing in Sarasota Florida since 2011, through in-depth healing sessions, using an original strategy that you won’t find anywhere else.

Life is Beautiful, Especially When it is Falling Apart

Life is beautiful. Even when it's falling apart. Maybe especially when it's falling apart. There are angels in the autumn leaves; redemption in the black boughs against the winter sky. I use the word redemption a lot. I guess it means a lot to me. Redeemed from what I don't always know. Life around is teeming with opportunities, second, third, forth, fiftieth chances. Open your hand.

Love is both simple and complex. People wonder, if they're suffering, if maybe it has something to do with karma. Perhaps it does. Some say karma only carries across lifetimes. I don't think they understand the purpose of karma. I think it's for learning. If it takes lifetimes to learn, it takes lifetimes to learn. Sometimes I steal something and someone steals something from me the next day. Whether it's intellectually, or physically. You'd think we'd learn right away, but it takes countless iterations sometimes. It could be coincidence, these happenings, and it could be karma. I believe that now and again I can tell the difference.

Karma rings through the bones. The birds freeze in their nests, and time stands still. Coincidence is just something happening. Yes I sometimes wonder if karma is just a strategy to cope with coincidence. Maybe it is, but I'm not wired to believe that. I never was.

Sometimes my heart is shattered 'out of the blue'. I take that back. There is no 'out of the blue.' It's always coming. We know in the quiet moments that it's coming, we just turn away somehow. 'Out of the blue' is reality surfacing like two tectonic plates clashing.

I love a lot. I think I love a lot. My heart is opening more and more as I approach 40. It feels good, the walls falling away, more and more. And everything falls apart. I open the gates and the spear enters. I let it.

I don't love enough. I think about myself too much, about what I need. I'm afraid of fully letting go; afraid of full surrender.

It's all true.

My point is, even from a thousand miles away, I love you. You can hurt me and tear me apart, and I'll find my way back to love, even if I have to scramble over mountains.

Some people will push you away until their arms ache with weariness. Some will go to the grave pushing you away. It's up to us whether we want to hold out a little longer, until the surrender, or push back. I just try to embrace the whole damn thing.

I fail often. I succeed sometimes.

Love and Flow,

Steven

Imagine life from your deathbed, and other strategies for living more fully

When life is coming at me from all sides, and the situation I've created is becoming more and more 'impossible,' I breathe and look for ways to get a different perspective. I remember reading Thoreau, when he was wondering how anyone could ever be lonely when surrounded by the blades of grass. Crazy, I thought, as a teenager. Much later, I realized what he was saying.

There was this moment when I was really suffering years ago, because my mate at the time was texting another love interest. I saw those fingers moving across those keys, even on a day we'd set out to be together, and each finger just raked across me like hot coals. And then I lied down and looked up at the tree (surrendered), and saw the blades of grass moving with the wind. I felt them against my neck and fingers. 'It just happened' she said, as she continued clacking away. The movement of the grass, it was just happening. And the movement in her fingers, another happening. The difference is, I was laying a lot of meaning over those fingers.

Suddenly, I was free.

What if it is all just happening?

Gurdjieff wrote that we don't really do anything. We are instruments through which life is done. We are predictable machines, really. It's a difficult concept, and throws one into a philosophical tailspin. But ultimately its liberating. Life's energies are being balanced out through us. (I think the mistaken notion that we are machines that malfunction creates a lot of disease). Even the misunderstanding about the anatomy and function of the heart contributes to this. I go into this a little in my new book.

There is a way to become a conscious entity, that acts according to their own will, and that is what the work is about. That requires breaking addictions, severing unconscious triggers, and becoming more and more conscious. It is a process. But for the most part, we live in REACTION rather than CREATION.

The other day, I was having a difficult time because two conflicting influences were entering my life at the same time. I'm certain that this was showing up in my horoscope in some way, though I don't always have time to assess those influences. A family member was falling ill on one side of the country, and just as I'd committed to launching a business on the other. I was balancing this with family life and a two year old.

So I walked out and looked up and see the stars. I imagined where I came from... what I was sent here to do. The stress in the moment dissolved as the stars came back into focus. How long since I'd really seen them? Living in the suburb I lived in now. This is what myths are able to do for us; allow us to transcend our lives, enter other realms, and come back wiser. The myths are built around the stars, or vice versa.

I don't advocate this as any kind of escapist strategy. Simply a temporary direction for extremely stressful situations. Find the way to get out of the equation and view it from 'above' or from the side. Sometimes I have clients thing from the perspective of a write when they're going through difficult scenes; write the scene (this is why writing is healing, I think). And while sitting in the courtroom, or in the hospital, they begin to look at details they never noticed before, and find the humor in the whole thing, or the irony, or the karma. And life unfolds.

I used to run long distances, and when I did, I'd sometimes imagine myself running next to me, and I'd put any pains into that body. The key is to always summon that body back, for completion and processing.

I often think of what I'll think on my death bed. When I'm pondering something that seems so weighted, so dire, I wonder if I'll even remember it. I wonder if it will even matter then. What will I have regretted not doing, and what will I enjoy reminiscing about?

On that note, I decided to go see the family member, and then go work on the business venture, breaking in between to see my own family. No one ever really thought, on their death bed, I wish I would have worked more.

To paraphrase an Einstein quote: 'Life is like a bicycle. You need to keep moving to stay balanced.' (Exact quote: “It is the same with people as it is with riding a bike. Only when moving can one comfortably maintain one’s balance.”)

Entering the body, somatic descent, is another way to find peace from within the eye of the storm. Feel the body sensations. The throb of life. The sensations we're labeling. If we're suffering; simmering in a cauldron of despair, it usually means there are too many thoughts racing, fueling the fire. We're creating labels before we ever even experience the embodied life cues.

The mind is powerful. We only use a fraction of it. Even if we double or triple the data we focus on, it is still bursting with potential. So give it more to do and focus on, or it will create and maintain fictions.

Life is not what happens to us. Life is the story we tell ourselves about what happens; the story we're living into. Retell your yesterday to reimagine your tomorrow.

And in the meantime, feel every inch of the flow. Decline numbing influences. Let the heart break open.

Love and flow,

Steven

Flow Healing Arts | Florida| Steven Budden © 2018